X Marks The Spot

Ok, everyone knows I am a smoker. It is no secret. What everyone doesn't know is that I was used to paying less than $5 a pack in Texas. Before the $1 tax increase of 2006 or 2007, I paid about $3.50 a pack. Cigarettes are between $7.50 and $8.00 here. No joke.

AND there is no carton discount. In Texas, you might have paid about $5 a pack, but if you bought a carton, it was only about $38. $3.80 a pack. Here, a carton is $75 - $80.

I have gone everywhere near my house trying to find a discount. Everywhere. No one has them. I popped into this random gas station near the green line, and saw they had their promotional cigarettes right on display, so I decided it was time to stop being a brand snob, and do what I had to do. Smoke other premium brands, and pay less money.

The first experiment led me to Camel Lights, which wasn't a huge difference from Camel Wide Lights. They were on special 2 for 1, which meant only about $4 a pack. Very excited. I went back to this same place to get more several times, but eventually the promotion ended.

It was replaced with a promotion for Parliament lights, 3 packs for $15. Ok, $5 a pack. I can do that. And I did, the promotion never ended, it went on forever, and I stocked up at this same place every time I could.

I went there again for my trusty Parliament lights yesterday, and they were gone. I was devastated. I shamelessly made the clerk go through all his promotional cigarette deals to find one I could live with. They were all menthols, except for this:



That's right, PINK cigarettes. Dumbest thing ever. I think there was some controversy a few years back when these came out, you know, encouraging people to be trendy and smoke by offering pink cigarettes. Dumb. But they weren't Olympic Gold or whatever the unpremium brand offerings were, so I had no choice. Two for one, pink cigarettes.

Did I mention they are pink?

Anyway, so the clerk tells me, "So, what, you're like 17 then?"

"No, I'm 30."

"What?!? I say you must be 17 and you say no, I'm 30. I don't believe it."

"Yes, believe it. I am 30. How much will that be?"

He seems to be taking his time...

"So, how come you look so young then? What keeps you young?"

And I said, "Smoking." He didn't even bat an eye.

Then he started getting personal, "You got any kids?"

"No."

"Me neither, but I got a cat. You got a cat?"

"No. How much will that be?"

I pay the man, he gives me my change.

"When will you have the Parliaments again? Is that deal over?"

"No, they'll be here Thursday. They come every Thursday."

"Ok thanks, have a good night," I say, inching towards the door.

"So, where do you live?"

"Uhh....in Somerville."

"Where in Somerville?"

"Uhh just Somerville, I am new, I don't really know where."

"Oh where are you from?"

"Texas, thanks, have a good night!"

"Oh so you like the cold?"

Jesus Christ!!!

"No, not really. But I am getting used to it."

By this time I finally have gotten close enough to have my hand on the door.

"So, when are you coming back to see me?"

Fuck. I can never, ever, ever go there again. Ever. My discount cigarette haven is now off limits. One small sentence has made a huge dent in my life.

No Dunkin Donuts, no cheap cigarettes, what is left for me in this city?!?